Annotations for Description: Audio

Over the louspeaker, a raspy voice from what might be an older gentleman from the south begins to speak as if recalling an old memory. Gesel begins taking tiny restrained steps to the right. Her ankles are bound in chains. The voice says "Funny how it's the little things we remember about the times we want to forget." Gesel looks toward her left at the floor. Her fingers slowly extend into a prayer position. The voice continues, "Guess my mind remembers the chirp of the crickets at sunset and the smell of sweet summer grass."

She raises her arms above her head and extends her fingertips toward the ceiling. The voice continues "in hopes my heart might forget seeing my wife like that." Gesel raises her gaze to the ceiling and leans her head all the way back. She lowers her body by bending her knees.

The raspy voice continues, "But I could never forget that sight." Gesel's body twists slightly, as if she is hanging from something above. The raspy voice continues, "or that it happend. Just 'cos we was so much in love." Gesel makes a coughing sound.

Gesel begins slowly turning her body to the left. The raspy voice continues "You see I never known nothing greater than the palm of Jesse's hand stroking my face as I fell asleep in her arms." Gesel begins slowly turning her body to the right. She makes a coughing sound. The voice continues, "That's what got me through those hot days of pickin'."

The raspy voice continues, "At night when Jesse would blow," Gesel coughs and makes a jerking motion with her body. The voice continues "the blisters on the back of my neck, and wipe my face with her palms," Gesel begins slowly rotating her body to the left, "well, even the life of a slave somehow started to seem worth living." Gesel drops her arms and contracts her torso. Her upper body falls forward and rebounds slightly, as if from total exhaustion.

If Yesterday Could Only Be Tomorrow by Nat King Cole begins to play. The music is soft and romantic. It's long drawn out notes make the song slow and relaxing to listen to.

The raspy voiced older gentlemen begins to speak again "I never understood how they could teach us about Jesus and then refuse to let us love." The tension in Gesel's arms gradually releases and she returns to a hunched over position. She makes gutteral sounds deep withing her throat as if attempting to speak, but is unable to communicate any words.

The raspy voice continues, "But on that man's plantation..." Gesel suddenly jerks and raises her body all the way up, as if startled by something unseen beneath her. She splays her fingers out in response. The raspy voice continues, "slaves was forbidden to marry."

Gesel continues making gutteral noises. She suddenly jerks her body to a standing position and tosses her head back toward the ceiling. Her mouth is open and her hands are splayed out in front of her chest. She holds this position and continues making gutteral sounds as the raspy voice continues, "But I loved Jesse with all my heart. And I wanted to hold her forever."

Gesel continues making gutteral noises as her torso begins contracting again. The raspy voice continues, "so while his family was away at church, all the slaves snuck out behind the last field of corn." Gesel slowly extends her body to the left. Her mouth is still open and she continues making gutteral sounds. Her gaze appears to fixate on something in the left corner of the room.

The raspy voice continues, "Oh, we put a broom on the ground. And while everybody was singing and clapping and dancing." Gesel maintains her gaze on the left corner of the room, but her body begins to relax. She slowly turns her gaze to something unseen in front of her as the raspy voice continues, "me and Jesse, we held each other tight and jumped over that broom. Then Jesse, she looked into my eyes and she said, 'I love you.'" Gesel maintains her gaze on something unseen in front of her. The raspy voice continues, "and now forever I am your wife."

She suddenly rises to a standing position and turns her gaze to the sky. Her mouth is wide open and she pants rapidly. Her palms are splayed out beneath her chin. Her upper body rocks as the raspy voice continues, "Didn't take long for him to find out we had married. I come back from the fields on the prettiest summer evening, just dreamin' 'bout the time I would soon spend with Jesse."

Gesel's right hand begins trembling. The raspy voice continues, "and you know what? That was the only time in my life." Gesel's mouth opens wider and her hands tremble harder. She makes sounds with her mouth that seem like she is trying to speak but no words are communicated, as the raspy voice continues, "I knowed how it felt to be a full human being."

Gesel's panting gets louder, then slows. The raspy voice continues, "and there she was. Strung up by her hands with blood flowing down her back, like tears falling down the wrong side of her body." Gesel's panting slows to silence. She makes a coughing sound, then continues softly panting.

The raspy voice continues, "They waited for me to see her." Gesel makes a gasping sound. "Then they cut Jesse down." Gesel makes another gasping sound. The raspy voice continues, "loaded her into the back"--Gesel makes a gasping noise--"of his rattiest wagon and took her off to be sold." Gesel continues panting.

Gesel reaches her bound wrists out in front of her. The raspy voice continues, "I remember Jesse's lips was tremblin'." The extension of Gesel's arms pulls her upper body forward as she contracts her torso.

The voice continues, "as she looked into my eyes and raised up her arms." Gesel slowly turns her palms upward and extends her fingertips. "Through chains, she turned over her hands and showed me the palms that would never again stroke my cheeks." The tension in Gesel's arms increases and her expression turns to a look of desperation. Her palms are splayed all the way out and pointed toward the audience. "As if to say that for the rest of time, they would surely wish that they could."

The raspy voice continues, "I watched my whole life pull off and disappear in the back of that wagon." Gesel extends her arms toward the left corner of the room. She bends her knees bringing her body closer to the ground as the tension in her arms increases. The voice continues, "and all I could think was, 'but I just wanted to love her.'"

The raspy voice continues, "I fell to my knees." Gesel slowly bends her knees further and drops her hips to the ground. She sits down while keeping her hands outstrenched to the left. Focus of her eyes looking out and past her hands. She slowly relaxes her body into the ground. The voice says, "... and though I have lived for forty more years, I cannot remember if I ever got up again." Gesel continues panting.

Gesel's voice is heard over the loudspeaker. "Funny how it's the little things we remember"

"about the moments we'd rather forget." Gesel's arms remain extended out in front of her toward the left corner of the room. Gesel's voice continues over the loudspeaker, "I remember a magnificent sun. And white steps that glistened," Gesel slowly lowers her hands and pulls them into herself. Her voice continues, "like magical porcelain."

Gesel suddenly gasps and thrusts her head toward the ceiling. Her mouth is agape and her palms are facing each other, splayed close to her chest. Her voice continues, "maybe I rememeber these things in order to forget the feeling of my heart being crushed." Gesel attempts to free her wrists from the ropes that bind them by pulling her elbows out and back toward her spine.

Gesel's voice continues over the loudspeaker as she continues struggling to free her wrists from the ropes. "I loved Katherine with all my heart. And I had never known a thrill like running up the steps"

Gesel suddenly jerks and hides her face in the crease of her left elbow as if shielding her face from being struck by something. Her voice continues, "in front of that courthouse with my arm around her."

Gesel closes her hands into tight fists which tremble. She remains shielding her face in her elbow. Her voice continues, "She was so excited that when I placed by hand on her chest," Gesel begins shaking her forearms rapidly, as if attempting to free her wrists from the ropes. Her voice continues, "next to that red flower she insisted on wearing"

Gesel makes a grunting sound, and her trembling slows. Her voice continues, "I could feel her heart pounding through the faded lace of her grandmother's wedding dress." Gesel slowly turns her gaze toward the left corner of the room.

"Funny how it's the little things we remember about the times we want to forget. Guess my mind remembers the chirp of the crickets at sunset and the smell of sweet summer grass in hopes my heart might forget seeing my wife like that."

"But I can't never forget that sight. Or that it happened. Just 'cos we was so much in love."

The raspy voice continues, "You see, I never knowed nothin' greater than the palm of Jesse's hand stroking my face as I fell asleep in her arms."

The raspy voice continues, "That's what got me through those hot days of picking. At night, when Jesse'd blow on the blisters on the back of my neck, and wipe my face with her palms, even the life of a slave somehow started to seem worth living."

The raspy voice continues, "I never understood how they could teach us about Jesus and then refuse to let us love. But on that man's plantation, slaves was forbidden to marry."

The raspy voice continues, "But I loved Jesse with all my heart."

The raspy voice continues, "And I wanted to hold her forever. So whilst his family was away at church, all the slaves snuck out behind the last field of corn. Oh, we put a broom on the ground and while everybody was singing, and clapping, and dancing, me and Jesse—we held each other tight and jumped over that broom."

The raspy voice continues, "Then Jesse, she looked into my eyes and said 'I love you and now forever I am your wife.' And you know what? That was the only time in my life I knowed how it felt to be a full human being."

The raspy voice continues, "Didn't take long for him to find out we had married. I come back from the fields on the prettiest summer evening just dreaming about the time I'd soon spend with Jesse. And there she was. Strung up by her hands with blood rolling down her back like tears falling down the wrong side of her body. They waited for me to see her. Then they cut Jesse down and loaded her into the back of his raggediest wagon and took her off to be sold."

The voice continues, "I remember Jesse's lips was trembling as she looked into my eyes and raised up her arms. Through chains she turned over her hands and showed me the palms that would never again stroke my cheeks, as if to say that for the rest of time, they would surely wish that they could."

The voice continues, "I watched my whole life pull off and disappear in the back of that wagon. And all I could think was, 'But I just wanted to love her.'"

The voice continues, "I fell to my knees. And though I have lived for forty more years, I cannot remember if I ever got up again."

A recording of Gesel's voice is heard over the loudspeaker. She says, "Funny how it's the little things we remember about the moments we'd rather forget. I remember a magnificent sun and white steps that glistened like magical porcelain. Maybe I remember these things in order to forget the feeling of my heart being crushed."

Gesel's voice continues, "I loved Katherine with all my heart. And I had never known a thrill like running up the steps of that courthouse with my arm around her. She was so excited that when I placed my hand on her chest next to that red flower she insisted on wearing, I could feel her heart pounding through the faded lace of her grandmother's wedding dress.

Gesel's voice continues, "We were halfway up the steps when the long line of couples waiting in the sun began to turn and walk away. I do not know how to describe a look of utter devastation. The stoop of the shoulders, the tremble of the fingers, the reflection of the eyes of a heart that does not know if the next beat is worth taking. But that's what I saw in those couples. And right then and there, we knew. The weddings had been stopped. And that ours was, once again, forbidden."

Gesel's voice continues, "I don't know how long we stood there, unable to move, before Katherine managed to put her head on my shoulder. Then I remember the feel of her tears as they rolled down my breast, leaving tracks over my heart before they splattered onto those magical steps that no longer wished our feet to be there."

Gesel's voice continues, "Eventually we made it home. We got drunk on a bottle of wine while we listened to Nat King Cole. As I fell asleep in Katherine's arms with her palms stroking my face, I wasn't thinking about the politics of it, or the biology of it, or the right and wrong of it. I was too crushed for any of that to matter. That night, all I could think was, 'But I just wanted to love her.'"

Gesel's voice continues, "I fell asleep and dreamed about slaves jumping the broom to marry. But I suppose I was really dreaming about just how far this hatred could go.